Reflections on Hospitalizations
by Kristen
I’ve just returned from spending 2 days in the hospital with Wayne after his heart catheterization to fix a hole in his heart. The emotions surrounding this event have taken me to both ends of the spectrum. There has been uncertainty, helplessness, feeling out of control, anxious or worried, relief, joy, thankfulness, feeling alone, desperate… There are so many I’m not even sure I can identify them all. Most of these came within a 72 hour period and some of them passed quickly. Others were perhaps present before all this and they may still be lingering.
However, there is one ‘emotion’ or perhaps a combination of emotions that I have dealt with before and am dealing with now. The only way I can describe it is the ‘leaving the hospital blues’. I have felt this many times before (after giving birth 6 times and after Wayne having several other hospitalizations). It is basically a feeling of uncertainty, kind of ‘what do I do now?’ feeling. After spending several days in the hospital with nurses and others taking care of me/my loved and thinking of nothing else but myself/my loved (except wondering how the other kids were doing), I now find myself flung back into reality but I (and my emotions) have not had time to really adjust. I suppose there is no other way to adjust other than to just get back into the swing of things. Similar to the way Wayne had to start walking inspite of the pain in his leg (where the catheter went in). Even though it hurt he still had to get up and walk- it would help in the healing process. I need to do the same inspite of the pain.
So, in the midst of a lot of uncertainty and all the other emotions I’ve been through the last several days, I know that God is using and can use this to draw me closer to Him. Perhaps this is where He wants me most- in a place that I cannot do it myself. In a place that I need Him- a place where I am desperate for Him. In light of that I can I should be able to rest in Him, I should be able to be at peace. God does not say He will take away our difficulties, just that He will bring us through them. I’m not sure I am there yet but am striving to continually trust Him with all things.
Comments
Dear Tim and Kristen,
As always, God's timing is just right and always on time. I guess He kept mother's check "hidden" for such a time as this! I'll send you a copy of what she had written in 2002!!!...not long before we discovered that she had two brain tumors. She went home to be with the Lord and other loved ones on January 13, 2003. She loved missions and she loved helping other missionaries and ministries around the world. It appears to me that she helped support your family with $200 each year so I feel the Lord leading to catch things up-to-date. We trust our gift and your family to His loving care and will be praying for each of you and the work that He has set before you. As a mother to five daughters and two step-daughters..."7"...I know first hand how challenging a day in ministry can be. But the great thing about serving God is that he is always near and available 24/7 to get us thru to the next moment. We send love to all!
Barbara Benton/Lakewood Campground Ministry
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina